When to Speak and When to Be Quiet
Johanna Rothman is reflecting on coaching in When to Speak and When to Be Quiet
If you're coaching someone, make sure you think about when to speak and when to be quiet. It may not be your preference, but make a conscious decision for the good of the coaching relationship and for the coachee. It's worth it in the end.
This is a big challenge for me: I love to provide the "answer" when a topic arises and I think I know something. Sometimes I'll tell you, even if you haven't asked a question. In learning more about facilitation skills from my Goldratt Schools experience this summer, they prefer to always have the participants answer questions. This means knowing how to ask the right kinds of questions to help a coachee see their path to an answer. As Johanna says elsewhere in her comments, the job of the coach / facilitator is to help the other person develop their own understanding of the topic at hand.
3 Comment(s)
said:
The simple tool I've been shown is that when I am seated, I am in facilitator mode. But even then it is difficult to remember. It helps to go through the process several times with someone reminding you to ask questions instead of answering them directly.
said:
As a coach I guide myself by silently asking "for the sake of what am I asking this question/making this statement?". If the answer is for me in any way I either stay quiet or consider an alternative which usually much more powerful.
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I have that "love to answer" thing as well. (Maybe a quotient of my chocolate/caffeine load? BTW, thanks for leaving that pointer on my blog!)
One of the things I've noticed is that in years past I had lots of clarity between the "facilitator" role and the "teacher" or "instructor" role. When I was in the facilitator role, I really knew how to stay quiet. In the "teacher" role I was an answer machine. It dawned on my that my models needed some shaking up.
So now I'm intellectually aware of the issue. Changing my PRACTICE is still a work in progress!
What are some of the ways we can notice and catch ourselves?