First, understand. Then, understand some more
Mary Abraham reminds us that Persistence Pays ... when applied correctly.
... When seeking collaboration or cooperation, it is not enough merely to be persistent or to impose your views through sheer determination. By doing so, you undercut the very ground on which collaboration is based. Rather, take the time to establish understanding and trust with your proposed collaboration partner. We've heard time and again how critical trust is to collaboration. It's equally important for good professional relationships which, in turn, are critical to your success.
As I read her post, I couldn't help thinking about various golden rules
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Do unto others as you would have them do unto you (Sermon on the Mount).
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Seek first to understand, than to be understood (St. Francis, Covey).
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Become genuinely interested in other people (Dale Carnegie #4).
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Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires (Dale Carnegie #18). [In fact, just about any of Dale Carnegie's 21 principles for How to Win Friends and Influence People.]
All of these have some version of getting into the craw of my partner, friend, or adversary. The better I understand the people I'm working with, the better the chance I have for positive outcomes. If I think the guy is a jerk, there is very little chance that we are going to come to useful understandings. If I can learn a little about his history, either directly or through some of our colleagues, we have a much better chance of success.
Personally, I have found some of my bigger "ah hah's" when I finally "get" why someone acts the way they do.
Be persistent in understanding the other side of the fence.
3 Comment(s)
said:
Jack -
Thanks for the mention. I'm grateful for your reminder that persistence is best applied to trying to understand what motivates another person.
Whether we meet on your "porch" or mine, I'm very glad for the opportunity to chat with you online. You've taught me a great deal.
- Mary
said:
A lot of our disagreements at work are because you _cannot_ understand the other person, no matter how hard you try. Sometimes this is because you are from different levels of work. Most of the time it is because you use two different languages to decide things. The decision won't cause as much disagreement as the approach to it. I've been working to understand them all for years and it some of them still sound like "idiot" to me.
Then there is personality, which is a bit different. The stronger your personality trait, the more difficult it becomes to understand people not like you in that way.
Some people can be "all things to all people" (as per St. Paul) but most struggle with it.
And of course some people are just sociopaths and you can never understand them.
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KJolt Memberships
This reminds me of something a professor once told me: everyone acts rationally, at least from their own point of view.
The trick, as you say, is to understand that point of view and in what context someone else's position is rational.